(Reference to a dangerous sexual practice, but mostly in the spirt of fun. Use your judgment.)
Today’s alarming Bizarro::
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(If you’re puzzled by the odd symbols in the cartoon — Dan Piraro says there are 2 in this strip — see this Page.)
Amidst much silliness about how punctuation saves lives — Let’s eat father and all that — comes this even greater silliness with the road sign STOP AHEAD (conveying that there is a STOP sign ahead on the road), alluding to a bit of language play I first heard as a child:
What’s that on the road ahead? / What’s that on the road — a head?
(or with in rather than on).
Available as a t-shirt:
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On to the crudity. ROAD AHEAD has led to play on sexual head ‘fellatio’, as in this texty:
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That’s road head ‘fellatio while driving on a road’. From the Broadly site on 4/29/16, “Riding in Cars with Boys and Blowing Them: True Stories of Road Head: People share their best, worst, and most dangerous experiences going 69 mph down blowjob highway” by Mish Barber Way (a woman, though that should become clear in the text):
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Except for a Cornell Daily Sun article from last year, there are relatively few accounts of road head on the Internet. Why? The practice, especially in areas where you have to drive to get pretty much anywhere, like the Midwest and California, is not necessarily a rite of passage, but it does inspire stories: While a routine blowjob is nothing to write home about, a blowjob in a moving vehicle could kill you.
That’s part of the appeal: Not only could you get caught, but you could also crash and die. There was “The Road Head Song,” a mock rap about getting road head 24/7, but spoiler alert: The cartoon music video does not have a happy ending. It might be less dangerous than texting and driving, but it all depends on how he can handle his head. The Cornell Daily Sun article offers tips for the ideal blowjob on the go; I guess the college-kid writer had had a bad experience and needed to let the world know that, duh, sucking a dick while someone is driving requires some precautionary measures. “Pick the right car,” “get your hair under control” (this is the only time that laundry-day bun on the top of your head will be sexy), “foreplay is your friend” (even when stationary), and “when you are about to finish, you should probably just pull over.”
Stories follow, mostly from women who gave head to guys, one from a guy who got head from a guy.
And in related news: hitchhiking while gay.
